Wednesday, October 1, 2008
how's it gonna be when you dont know me
right now i'm more angry than anything inside. i'm infuriated! how can you loook me in the eyes and tell me that you love me and you have sex with me. then two days later, start to have a change of mind like you woke up and decided that you dont want anything to do with me. how do you think that makes me feel. i will tell you since you are too fucking chicken shit to grow a penis and tell me, i will tell you how i feel. I am pissed i am fucking pissed. You can't come over and look me in the eyes and tell me that you dont want to be in a realtionship. you are a coward. you dont want to hurt me and you can't look at me in the eyes. that fucking hurts more than you realize. i am hurting inside. i can put a smile on my face and go on with my day to day routine, and i can keep myself busy but seriously i am fucking hurting inside. i feel like you have taken my heart and used it as a punching bag and then stomped on it and dropped it to the point my heart is shattered. i can't forgive you for that. you're a fucking cunt. you are getting rid of something you dont even realize! i'm sorry is a poor ass excuse. its an excuse......cowardly piece of shit. go fuck yourself. dont come crawling back to me when you want sex, dont come crawling back to me when you realize that you lost me, i'm done. i will remain your friend becuase no one else will be as forgiving as me. but there will no longer be any relationship past a friendship. you have severed anything that could come close to that.
Monday, September 29, 2008
its gonna be alright
i'm happy to have a place where i can vent. you dont have to read it if you dont want to. a lot of times i ramble thoughts and feelings and doing care who or what is being said. yes my heart was broken, but i'm alive. i cried my tears and i'm fine. no more boo-hooing poor me. i woke up with a new attitude. i'm not having a pity party. i did not gorge myself with banana splits and chocolate syrup (although a chocolate shake does sound delicious!) i did my thing. i did homework, i went shopping, and i hung out with my mom and cousin. i found a pair of pink pearl earrings that i will own one day. my dream is to own a pair.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
here's my life since i left
Sunday, August 31, 2008
its moments like this...
here is is 8 something at night on the last day of august and i'm sitting outside and loving it. i took a minute to come outside and break from the cleaing and the homework. i'm listening to the locusts call out to one another. compared to the cicadas its almost relaxing. its cool and relaxing right now. i'm pretty tired as i haven't slept well in several nights. but emotional roller coasters will often do that to a person. life in general is going exceptionally well. there have been a few bumps in the road but i'm making terms of it. i made it through fall registration....and i just have to look forward to dual credits this month. roller derby is going well. i'm coming off of a three week hiatis off of skates. but that is just becasue i took a fall which left me with a concussion and a sprained shoulder and neck. the knots are easing their way out one by one. each day i find there is less and less pain but i also find that i have more pain the more i try to exert my shoulder. so i do as much as i can till the muscle spasms and then iu go stretch it out and let it rest. so far school this semester isn't horrible. i'm understanding math a little bit more, whcih is a 100% better than what i was doing over the summer. now that the summer is winding down i'm going to start walking more on my days that i'm not skating. i'm talking three miles to five miles. i can do it. its not that difficult.so since tomorrow is the first of the month, i'm gonna make some changes. that's what i'm going to do. i'm going to start walking more and i need to get back on my allergy medicine. i can tell a huge difference from when i'm on my medicine versus when i'm off it. i need to see which ones, if any that i need to get refilled. although i think i'm good for the time being, maybe just one i might need to get refilled. so here's my goals for the month of september. walk more, take my medications......easy enough. lol i should give myself a sticker for each day that i complete it. childish i know but its the little things in life that make me smile. i'm tired tonight, but im not ready for bed. its odd not preparing for bed just yet, but that is the glorious thing about extended holiday weekends. i wish we had extended weekends more often. i just have to get through the middle of december and then i'm off for two wonderful weeks. ahhhh bliss. i need to start putting money back so that i can get christmas presents for my loves. this summer was for the most part wonderful.
i made a trip to knoxville......didnt get much enjoyment cuase of two tests. but i did have some fun. i have been to bloomington where i shook my groove thang. i have been to dayton where i got to scrimmage Gem City. i have made some of the best friends a roller girl could ask for. i've lost love but found it right back. and i have learned to stick up for myself and listen to my heart. i have had to have a biopsy but it came back negative. i have learned to appreciate the fact that i will never again be able to squeeze my ass into a size 7 jean. maybe up to my cheeks but it will not go over the derby ass. i have pranked called Cliff from Ohio....check out the pics. i have gotten a new tattoo...again check out the pics. but for now the mosquitos are trying to attack so this is going to end. till next time my dear friends.
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Wednesday, June 18, 2008
while i’m waiting to go pee.....
i love this song, the lyrics just get me everytime. i just feel that its real. if you haven't heard this yet, you really need too.
PINK LYRICS"Dear Mr. President"(feat. Indigo Girls)Dear Mr. President,Come take a walk with me.Let's pretend we're just two people andYou're not better than me.I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street?Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?What do you feel when you look in the mirror?Are you proud?How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?How do you walk with your head held high?Can you even look me in the eyeAnd tell me why?Dear Mr. President,Were you a lonely boy?Are you a lonely boy?Are you a lonely boy?How can you sayNo child is left behind?We're not dumb and we're not blind.They're all sitting in your cellsWhile you pave the road to hell.What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?I can only imagine what the first lady has to sayYou've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine.How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?How do you walk with your head held high?Can you even look me in the eye?Let me tell you 'bout hard workMinimum wage with a baby on the wayLet me tell you 'bout hard workRebuilding your house after the bombs took them awayLet me tell you 'bout hard workBuilding a bed out of a cardboard boxLet me tell you 'bout hard workHard workHard workYou don't know nothing 'bout hard workHard workHard workOhHow do you sleep at night?How do you walk with your head held high?Dear Mr. President,You'd never take a walk with me.Would you?
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Tuesday, June 17, 2008
how am i gonna fix it....
these days suck....
its practically impossible for a 20-something with a decent job to survive right now. anyone who is living, breathing, and driving is knowing exactly what i mean. with everything going up in the prices....the pay check is quickly dwindling. its stressful to try to plan anything. i know i'm not the only one that's why i'm not going to preach to the choir. unless you are a multi-millionare you have no idea what me or the rest of the middle and lower class working citizen is feeling. so go ahead in your escalade and your h3 and ruin the chance for the rest of us to catch a break in the economy.
i'm in a "I truely suck at life" funk. i hate hate HATE the way i look. i can't stand the way my body looks in and out of clothes. i dont feel like i can do anything right. and more importantly the new love of my life roller derby....i'm in question as to whether or not it is something i want to be doing. last night i didnt skate in the scrimmage and as i sat there watching and re-reading over my comments from the feedback days i kept questioning if i was even good enough to continue on. i just really do not feel like i am good enough at anything. i am back in school for a second undergrad degree and i will go .. this to get a masters, but over the weekend i went to a family function i was doing some homework and i felt like i was just a waste of space because i was back in school. i never fit in. i failed to fit in at school, i didnt' fit in in any of the sorority scenes, i dont fit in at work, i dont fit in with my extened family, and its like derby is one of the few places that i can be myself yet i find myself closing myself in becasue i am afraid of being rejected there too. i feel lost most of the time. very few understand me, and even more few want to understand me.
i'm sorry for being your waste of space. for now i'm going to be my quiet unforeseen self and enjoy the few who do understand and like me for me.
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Thursday, June 12, 2008
i’m not gonna write you a love song today.....
i'm hoping to find the next month to have a better turnout than this month. i have been in a funk where i just feel like i suck at life. like no matter what i seemed to accomplish it wasn't good or worthy of speaking about. i was in a funk about everything. about work school self image skating my relationship...just everything. i wasn't happy. it seemed like one thing after another was just hitting me and slapping me in the face. i wasn't motivated to do anything to be anything. all i wanted to do was be a hermit and lock myself up. but its a new month. (i know its the middle of the month of june but i'm referring to May 10 (RIP Dave) through June 10th)
i am constantly faced with ignorance. yes it irratates me and it degrades me. one of these days karma will come around and bite them in their ass. people you are no more better than i am so quit being little bithces and go fuck someone else over. i'm tired of it.
i am on two allergy meds right now and for the first time in a LONG time i'm able to clearly breathe, headache and pain free, and the best part no mucusy coughing! now the only thing i have to get under control is my breathing when i skate. i push my ass off and then i get winded and start wheezing. so i'm hoping that once the allergy meds clear up most of the mucusy junk that i will be able to get good healthy lung capacity.
doritios for breakfast aren't really good. i'm still hungry but i dont know what i'm hungry for. eh well. guess i better go back to my life. much love.....keep it on the flip side eses!
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Friday, May 30, 2008
Piss on your stoop and kiss your grave goodnight
Dear America:
I live paycheck to paycheck. I am a budgetting freak. I can't go out to eat every week, let alone every day. I live with my parents becuase i can't afford to move out. I stress myself out becuase i can't afford gas each week. I have eaten off of pennies and dimes. I can't afford to pay for my new contacts which i need because the contacts i'm wearing now aren't the right prescription and my vision is blurry.
Dear America,
i shop at Wal Mart. I buy clothes at Wal Mart. I dont always buy name brand things. does this make me any less of a person?
Dear America:
My brother and other soldiers who are risking their lives daily fighting in a war are my heroes. I dont always agree with the war, but its their job and I support their efforts. I just hope that they come home. So i may shed my tears, might be a little cranky, and sick to my stomach but unless you have a close loved one over there you have no idea what kind of emotional wreck it is to have someone be gone.
Dear America:
Politics suck. I could care less if you are fanatical about them, they bore me and i dont understand them. Please call me stupid and i will tell you to fuck off.
Dear America:
I am educated. I have been to school. Just becuase i may look dumb sometimes and i dont always know the answers doesn't mean i'm completely ignorant. I am not the smartest person. You dont see me in papers and books or articles announcing my great achievments. I dont see you creating the cure for cancer. So please dont act like you are some genius. Cause in all actuality when you go home at night, you are just the same as me.....normal. So please stop walking around like your shit dont stink, like you are god's gift to america, and realize that you are just as ignorant as the rest of us.
Dear America:
I dont always make my bed. Does this make me a slob? Does this make me lazy? I dont think so, i think it makes me comfortable.
Dear America:
I'm not perfect, neither are you. I know my flaws. Please dont point them out and ridicule me of them. I know i'm not gorgeous, neither are you. I cant be just as hateful and pick you to pieces just as you do to me.
Dear America...
Can't you hear the silent cries for help? Cant you see the pain? Can't you tell we're hurting?
I am...i feel the pain. Everyday. I beg for help but no one hears me. I hurt but it doesn't do me any good to let you know. you are feeling it too. what about you?
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Wednesday, May 21, 2008
days go by.
sooooo lets see last week was a huge bump in the road, seemed like nothing was going to go right. so this week i made it a point to make this a good week....and so far it is going great! so i have a bruised assbone and a funky color elbow....i'm having a damn good week. monday was frustrating....i was having a moment of weekness.
tomorrow my brother and emily come into town and i couldn't be anymore excited...on sunday i get to see my rosie! YAY! i'm so excited. my brother and two of my faves coming to the L-K-Y!!!!
i got my official DCRG jacket on sunday and i was SO freaking excited. it makes me feel cool...whether or not i am i at least feel it. hope all is well. take care.
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Friday, May 09, 2008
beautiful disaster
I'm sorry for my absence from blogging....I just needed a break from things and blogging didnt seem fit for the mass majority to take in. since my last blog i did pass my assesments (it was a hell of a bitch but i did it), i had an upper resperitory infection that was almost a sinus infection, i have something torn in my foot but i dont know what.....all i know is that my foot is black and blue and some funky yellowish color from where the bruising is healing, i have been to the derby, and i'm completely and utterly exhausted!
so thank you to those who read and commented on my last blog. i just get so frustrated at other people's stupidity! it annoys me that just because i am not fitting into your barbie doll mold that you have to make me that less of a person. i am happy with my life. i have a lovely job, i'm getting a second degree, a loving boyfriend, and most importantly a family who is behind me (in some things-not all things). i am a jeans, t-shirt, and flip flops kinda girl. i like to run bare foot in the grass but most importantly i like who i am.
i got my new skates last week and i love them! i can tell a huge improvement in my skating and now i just have to quit thinking about what my feet are doing and just trust myself. the mucus monster is slowly making its way out of my system....just a few crud filled coughs here and there. i am loving roller derby and i can tell a difference in my body....i have muscle definition starting and i love it. i know i'll still be called fatty from certain people, but that's fine. i know i'm not fat....i just have some areas that are more loveable. well folks its that time....
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Tuesday, April 22, 2008
i was fine until you walked into my life Current mood: annoyed
so i really have this self concious feeling everyday i come to work. i know i really do not belong here. i dont dress like everyone else, i dont listen to the same music, i dont like doing the same things.......i'm just different. i hate that people judge me. i can hear the snikers the mumbles and i just get this feeling as though they just look at me funny. its a disturbing feeling from time to time. please forgive me for not fitting into your stereotypical molds i enjoy who i am and the way i am. i like the way i dress, i like the things that i listen to, and most of all i like the things that just make me happy. .
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Sunday, April 20, 2008
mas mas mas fin
so its official....assesments are on sunday. i'm started to get butterflies not just a little flutter of them, oh no, a whole swarm of them fluttering all at once. i find my self drifting when i'm in between things. i have to maintain a positive outlook on things but right now it is hard. especially when it seems like everytime i want to go for it the worse it gets. what you ask...the spasms or the cramps. the harder i try the harder i push the worse it seems the pain gets. i'm not giving up. i may end up with frustration and tears but i'm not giving up. these girls, the ones i'm skating next to are my heros. we've endured injuries, lack of breathe and tears, lots of tears.....together in a sense. not at the same time but togheter metaphysically speaking. im hoping that if i write, especially with my poor english skills that i have mastered right now that it'll help me ease my nerves at least a bit. i know i can do this. i have told others....."you have the drive and the will in you head and in your heart, its all a mental game, you just gotta go for it." i need to get myself pumped and go balls out for it. Like Mary Catherine Gahlleger said..."You are either two people. The one that sticks their toes in and feels the water to see if its cold, or you are the person that take a jump and goes all the way in." I'm going to be that person...the person who is in all the way. I need to stop psyching myself out. Its time bitches...and i'm ready to go. I'll keep you posted my readers. Much love from the bluegrass.
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Thursday, April 17, 2008
this is the way i live....
life is good right now, i mean yes i have achey muscles and a tingle in my back from time to time but all that will disperse when my body decides that it wants to love me back. its finally spring time in the Louisville area!!! i never thought it would get here but alas it has come and i'm happy! the days are starting to warm up and the spring weather is putting people in a better mood. i'm getting out and doing more outside rather than staying cooped in my room like a hermit.
boot camp is coming to an ending and it is a great feeling. i love going to practice. although i have been getting muscles aches in my back and my feet will cramp up i'm not giving up. i want this to bad. i admit at first i was just doing it for the fun of it, but i want to do this for myself. i'm loving roller derby and that's more than i can say for most of the sports that i have played. i think think the only other sport that i had this much will and drive to play was soccer. i can't wait till the day comes and i'm no longer a rookie.
in other news.....well let me think....hmmmm oooo i've been looking at new skates. just can't afford them yet. one of these days i'll save up enough money and i'll buy some purty new skates. ooooo this excites me. i'm really tired right now. i'm on five hours of sleep. i have a bottle of water that i threw a crystal light energy packet into.....i'm hoping that it will kick in soon. the big ole kentucky derby is just a few weeks away. i'm thinkin of goin back to the backside again this year. it was mucho fun and i had a good time hangin out by the track!well lovers i'm off.
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Friday, April 04, 2008
tainted love....
ok so maybe i’m crazy but there are just some things that just bug the yankers out of me. *side note* i think yankers is a funny word...so i use it.....its my flippin blog....damnit* i can’t stand people who are so arrogant and think that they are so much more above you. why dont i just sit here with a sign around my neck that states..."you are smarter than me, make more money than me PLEASE treat me like shit." then there are those few who just have to be included in every tiny ounce of convo. if you leave them out in the littlest thing...watch out becuase they will let someone know. it bothers me. it really does. i know i’m an intelligent person and i know i live on a budget but dont belittle me for it. and i will talk to the others and be nice but i dont want to be BFF’s for a reason. when you ask me something and i say no dont get huffy and whiney and ask me again...when i say no i seriously mean no. that is all. oh yeah.....come watch DCRG play tomorrow night...it will be an awesome game!
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Monday, March 31, 2008
constant whirlwind of emotion
so i know two blogs in one day.....
i have a lot just being scrambled up in that thing called my head. i’m stressing out. yes i’m only taking two classes this semester but things are hella crazy this time of the year. i have several tests and projects and homework assignments on top of a full day of work where i’m constantly staring at a computer screen. its frustrating.
i have an amazing group of girls that i skate with. they are basically my rocks when it comes to skating because without them or greg i wouldn’t have anyone behind me supporting me. its frustrating when you hear "i support you but i really dont agree with it" or "you are stupid/crazy for doing roller derby" i mean it starts to wear on ya when that’s all you hear. speaking of roller derby....i am trying my damndest at trying to learn. i’m trying to fit in and i’m trying to help out without being in the way. i dont want to be that gnat that wont go away but i’m not the "crazy outgoing wildly insane" person that everyone makes me out to always be. I am really really really super crazy shy. i’m still trying to warm up to people
what my family doesn’t realize is how hard i’m really trying to succeed. i am doing a lot of stuff on my own. a little support would be great. i would like to hear something other than "i’m glad she at least has good health insurance."
i guess i’m just frustrated because in everything i do i always try my hardest but it seems like my hardest is never good enough. aye...sorry for the bitch fest its more like pms is controlling me. bitch. i’m off to bed, maybe i’ll wake up with a better attitude....
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Falling in love with coffee
Aye the beginning of a new week. What will this week hold for me? It hasn’t started off on a high note. I woke up and WANTED to hit snooze but I didnt, instead I sluggishly drug my tired carcus out of bed and made my way to the bathroom to start getting ready for work. I’m tired and I’m sore from roller derby boot camp, but I am ready for more. I just hope that my right ankle will allow me to work hard again tonight. It just decided to go *FLLLUMP* yesterday towards the end of practice. I was pissed. I was running late this morning and I have no idea how. I got up in plenty of time and the next thing I know I’m running around the house trying to make sure I have everything becuase it is already a quarter after seven and i have to be at work in 45 minutes. I’m sure I forgot something. So here I am sitting in the car with mom listening to the rain bang on the window.....it makes me want to go back home and sleep. The bottoms of my dress pants are like a mop...damn pants. I want to take a vacay. It doesnt’ matter where I go but I want to take a few days off of work and enjoy some time away from the office. Hmmm I wonder if I can get Derby week off. Help mom keep her calm dury that week. She really stresses out when people come in town. I would rather choose to get me a hotel room and veg for the week. But I will be sleeping on the mattress in shawns room. My hips hurt and i think i have a bruise on my butt.....blue, black and purple is the new black. Its slimming. LOL
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Friday, March 28, 2008
traffic jam...when you’re already late
two weeks into b.c. and i must say i love it! i look forward to going to practice and i love my teammates. yes i have the muscle aches and the tiredness but nothing that two asprin and a good nap cant take care of. to be honest i’m using muscles that i forgot that ever existed in my ass!!!! and i have a bruise on my hip that i believe will forever be there. but i am having a blast and i am loving every minute of it. still in search of a plaid skirt so i might try to hit up a consignment shop and some other goodwill stores. i went to one and didnt find much of anything, well a man who really smelled of stale urine and lots of it, like someone hadn’t changed his man diaper in a couple of days.... that’s mean i know.
good news on the homefront.....TAYLOR’S opened this week. I have already made a trip to get my banana split in a cup with whip cream NO nuts. it was sooooo cold and me and katie were freezing but damn that ice cream was the shit. other than that the weather can’t seem to make up its freakin mind as to what it wants to do. one day its warm and beautiful and the next day its rainy and cold and with a super strong wind. 75 and sunny i say 75 and sunny.
easter was ok. nothing spectacular really happened. got up got ready went to the fams and ate dinner and then wrote two papers. yipee. i can’t wait to get these classes over with. i’m SO tired of history. i forgot how boring it is. i have tried everything to make it interesting but i can’t seem to do so.
well let me know what’s happening. i miss my lovlies and remember to rock it like the rockstars that you know you are! mucho love my darlings!
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Friday, March 14, 2008
Sensual Seduction..... Current mood: bouncy
I guess i am just shy at first but when i start a new job i admit that i’m really quiet and timid. Its just that i dont want to people make judgements, although i know people do. well now that i’m here i am starting to opening up and let my personality come through. I’m nervous, scared, and excited for what is in store for me for the next couple of months. I know i have the determination and the inner strength right now, but lets hope at the end of this i will be able to prove that my determination will help me get through this.
I didnt’ realize exactly how much my co-workers supported me till i told them that i was thinking about trying roller derby out. it is something new and exciting. i can’t wait to start and i hope that i can definitely do it. i have some catching up to do so i hope that i can catch up with out any problems so we will see. to carrie and satcha...thank you! to my co-workers....thanks for the support and the enthusiasm that you’re showing me while i was contemplating this decision. you all are my rockstars!
peace love and mullets!
Sunday, March 09, 2008
billie jean...
so here it is...one thirty in the morning. i have to work tomorrow and am i asleep....NO. am i anywhere near sleeping NO. i can't sleep and it sucks. OH WELL. i have to be up in four hours to start getting ready for work. i have tried everything that i can imagine! tomorrow will be interesting. i will so slap happy.
so we ended up with about fifteen inches of snow between friday and saturday. it was the second biggest snow that i have ever seen. it still have the same feelings i do when it comes to snow...its bleck! its cold, its wet, and its a mess when it melts. but even though i dont like the stuff i got out and i helped shovel snow off of the driveway.....and sidewalk. not a problem. decided to go with greg to help him shovel off one of our firends mom's driveway too...ooooo buddy after that second driveway i definitely started feeling the sting. but its good for me. lets me know that i'm alive.
so between not sleeping and achey muscles i'm sitting here in bed awake. let me know what's going on in your lives...i'm sure its better than mine. much love my dear readers. oh here's a shout out to greg...he put up with my sore ass.
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Friday, March 07, 2008
How do you talk to an angel?
Well its snowing.....AGAIN. If its not tornadic weather its snow and ice. I guess i can't complain. I mean we have gotten out early once, and had two delays because of the weather, but still i hate getting out into it. I dont like being cold and wet, and when you're short jeans drag and get icky. I know i'm complaining....bite my ass! I will be happy with mother nature when its 75 and sunny! What can i say i love the warm sunny days. They put me in a good mood. Get in my car, roll my winders down, put on a good tune and roll with the good times. I love it, its a great feeling.
So i'm trying to find something new to get my lazy rear into. I just feel blah. I have been thinking of a gym membership, but i HATE going by myself. It took me so much effort to go when i was in school, granted i knew i could go but i just hated going by myself. I cant wait till it warms up just a little bit so i can start walking outside again, however, I refuse to walk in the morning. I about got hit one to many times and i about got into it with a neighbor becuase she was FLYING down the road and about ran over me. Good times good times.
BLAH, what else is new. Not really a whole heck of a lot. Just gotta throw out some mad props to Erin! CONGRATS chicka. Way to find what seems to be an awesome job opportunity! What-what! Also, if anyone is in Louisville on March 22 and want to watch one hell of a match, the Derby City Roller Girls will be having a bout against the Blue Ridge Roller Girls. These girls are coming in from Ashville, NC so come check it out. If you haven't gotten your tickets yet, you better hurry! They go quick! So come out and support DCRG! I can promise you that its gonna be one hell of an awesome good time. I mean c'mon who WOULDN'T want to see chicks beat the shit out of one another on skates! Carrie A Glock and Satcha Sweetheart...this shout outs to you! Mucho love for you hot bitches!
Well mias i best be gettin outta this joint and goin to get my arse into fifth gear.
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Monday, March 03, 2008
Dancin for the Groceries
So this weekend was absolutely awesome! I had my doubts but it was undoubtedly fun.
Friday night i got off work ran to the tanning bed, went home, jumped in the shower and got ready. Then Greg and myself went to Moes....cause "Moes knows burritos" I'm talking a burrito that could feed two small people. These things are HUGE. Good god it was good eating it, but i knew i would pay the consequences later on....just remember if you go "Sour cream is extra, is that okay?" Even though its already on your food....like what are they gonna do scrape it up and ruin your burrito if you say no. AYE. ANYWHO....back to the weekend. After dinner me and greg went to Alpine Ice and went ice skating. It had been FOREVER since i had gone ice skating last. It was so much fun. I remember i liked ice skating and i wasn't horrible at it, just not an olympic gold medalist! Greg might need to improve his form but at least he got out there and tried. He kept calling me a smart ass cause i would skate backwards...HEHEHE i think rollerblading helped me out a lot with that one. I would rollerblade for hours as a kid. I forgot about some muscles that were aching the next day! Oooo my back and my ankles were horribly sore!
Saturday night me and greg met up with Paul and Erin and we had a good night at Olive Garden and bowling. Yes i suck at bowling in the first place, i'm lucky if i can even break 75, but add some Tropical Sangrias on top of already being horrible and you get A LOT of gutter balls! Greg might say it was the ball i was using, i say it was user error! i think i'm going to have to make tropical sangrias for Erin and me next time ...
I really want to go roller skating. I have wanted to go for awhile now, but no one wants to go with me. I haven't been since high school...middle school before that but i liked going. i dont like doing things by myself but i dont know of anyone who would go with me.
Well my lovely readers i best be gettin off of here....till next time.
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Thursday, February 28, 2008
double barrel shotgun....
So its been a couple days since i have last made a blog. am i losing my touch? am i losing my mind? do i not care about my blog lovers? oh no children this is not the case, in any sense. i have just been super busy. i have been studying like a mad woman trying to play catch up with classes. one of my classes is even completely being neglected right now! foreshame i say! that's what i get though. there are only so many hours in a day and i can only do so much before i fall asleep.
besides class it has been downright COLD. and not to mention blah! i dont like snow and i definitely do not like ice. snow is pretty when you dont have to go outside in it. its cold and its wet and its just a mess when it melts. ice is just depressing. it is. i keep telling myself when i go outside it 75 and sunny. that's my ideal day. 75 degrees and sunny. there's a soft warm breeze and no humidity. ah for it to be spring again. spring cant seem to get here fast enough. i'm tired of being cold.
work is going well. staying busy and al that jazz. nothing to really complain about. i go in, eat my lunch at my desk and get off at 430. *sigh*
oh big news...GIRL SCOUT COOKIES CAME THIS WEEK! i was excited. ok that's all for now. toodles!
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Monday, February 11, 2008
Oh I, I just died in your arms
So this weekend wasn't bad at all. I got to spend an awesome time with Rose and Shannon, and got to see shannon's newest edition, Nicholas. I can't believe how tiny he is, but he is So precious. It was awesome getting to see Rosie too! i miss her when she's gone. Saturday night mexican at El Nopal and for the first time in i dont know how long, the four of us who did go actually sat down and drank something. i'm not talking about water or sweet tea. but there were alcoholic drinks by each and every one of us. it was nice. yesterday was pretty much a bum day. just a lazy day. it was too cold to really get out and do too much.
valentimes day is thursday.....if ya'll are in need of something cheap to do for you lover go to white castle. according to erin and paul, they are gonna have it all set up snazzy. oh yea i'm talking about table clothes and table side service. LOL "HEY I NEED ANOTHER SLIDER OVER HERE!!!!"
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Wednesday, February 06, 2008
write that down....
ok so here it goes.....i'm like terrified of night storms. storms during the day have no affect on me but the severe storms that roll through at night just hit me the absoute wrong way! i get really ansy and go from one window to another making sure everything is ok. last night was awful! i laid in bed watching the news making sure that the weather wasn't going to do anything stupid in Henry county. When they said tornado warnings in Jefferson county i started to get real uneasy.i really wanted to go to sleep before one this morning but that's not how it worked out. i just laid in bed watching. it was as if i was glued to my tv. i would get up look out my window, as if i could actually see anything in the absolute darkness that succombed my neighborhood. no the electricity didnt' go out, the end of my neighborhood is just THAT dark. i would see the wind whipping the trees when there was a flash of lightning. so here i am today tired. i am in serious need of a caffine shock. i am half tempted to walk across the street and try the vanilla ice coffee from mcd's just because i'm hoping that it will have enough caffine to boost me through the rest of the work day. i need a new hobby, well i say that but i dont have time to do much during the week as it is right now. ok so i'm rambling.....deal with it. ok 'm really bored so i'm going to jet.
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Monday, February 04, 2008
hey you’re a crazy bitch but you f*@ so good....
where did i last leave my ever faithful myspace readers and stalkers (you know who you are).....classes are in full swing and that means a lot of new applications are coming in to work and creating a lovely little balencing act for me. During the day "admissions counselor extrodannaire," at night "student of the clinically insane," and if i can find free time "beer pong champ in training" ok ok not so much of the latter but it sounded good. but back on subject. i work a full time job and as soon as i get off i try to get focused and get in "study mode" taking two online classes has its ups and downs......such as you have make yourself want to learn. in one of my classes i have a chapter to read a week.....when a good show comes on a lot of times i have to miss it because i have to get the reading done. I did let myself get off track for a week and now i'm paying the consequences. i'm so far behind and we have a four chapter test this week. so i'm trying to squeeze a chapter and a half into four days....i know it CAN be done, i'm just hoping that it WILL get done.
this past weekend i went to see Bonnie "carrie a glock" battle it out with the the rest of the Derby City Roller Girls....the match was undoubtedly fun! i can't wait till their next home game so i can show my love to these hard core bitches! bonnie was rockin! she definitely used her "ass"etts to her advantage!!! i loved it. other than that it was superbowl weekend....didn't pay a lick of attention to the game whatsoever so dont ask me any questions or statistical facts because i will look at you like your a dumbass and change the subject!
in other news.....wait there isn't other news that was the play by play of my so called wonderful life. i need coffee...my brain hurts. till next time...show me the love and i'll consider giving you a shout out. peace out bitches!
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Thursday, January 24, 2008
where the streets have no name......
So let me enlighten you on some facebook facts........
I decided to take off of ole facebook my relationship status. I went from "In a relationship" to just taking it completely off. It never mentioned that i was single complicated etc. I just simply took it off. Would you know that i have had more people ask me what is up with that. LET ME CLEAR THE AIR.....
I am still in a perfect idealic most wonderful relationship that I could ever have asked for. I am in love with a man who loves me back. I'm not ashamed to say it on a public blog where everyone can see, that's why I am saying it. So that people will stop hounding me with "What happened" "when did you all split" "I thought things were going so well"
I couldn't have asked anyone for the happiness that Greg has brought me in the past nine months. On this note I leave you with this....I am happy with my relationship. THE END
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Thursday, January 17, 2008
wake me up before you go
so its been a minute since my last post. sorry. not much went on really that was newsworthy. so i guess i should catch you up to speed. i'm settling into my job nicely.....i suppose. i still am trying to learn everything but with registration over with and students now enrolled i should be able to give myself a break and not stress over the little things. christmas was absolutely wonderful. my family and boyfriend are more than i could ever ask for. new years was nice and relaxing. MUCHO KUDOS to the Schmidts for letting us come over for a wonderful evening. i started my classes and for them both being online, i can't seem to find any complaints. i am pacing myself so i can gained the knowledge that i really need to know. its just hard making myself read so much for one class that i seem to ignore my other class, so i'm devoting some of this weekend to nothing but catching up on homework and reading for class. i know i'm such the party animal.
have you ever felt like you were always on the sideline or in someone's shadow? ooo i raise not one but both hands. i have always been that person, and i will probably always will be. i am not the most intelligent, most athletic, prettiest, skinniest, most outgoing person not will i ever be that person. I am me. I have high energy moments where i just want to run for days and still have energy. Other days i just want to be a hermit and seclude myself from the world. In between those two extremes I am quiet. For as long as i can remember i have always been that person who is pushed to the side for someone, something, some place. i try not to get to attached to something cause i know in the end getting attached will just myself hurt. and the more promises that are made, the more it will hurt in the long run. i admit i am tired of broken promises, but no matter how old i get i still find myself holding on to a little bit of hope, only to get my ass knocked down. and i once again am let down. some days i feel like i am just invisible. it is almost as if i don't exist. i will tell someone something and they dont say anything and then five minutes later they will ask me about the same thing i just told them about. sometimes i just want to scream, but what would be the point if no one listened. no one would hear it.
i have panic attacks...they aren't fun, they can actually be scary from time to time. my mind wont shut off sometimes. if i know i'm in a financial crisis i will crunch numbers until i can find a solution. i will go over and over and each time i will come up with the same number of my total but i will do it, and then i start to panic and then i will decide which bill i will pay late. if it means taking a late charge i will pay my bill late. i hate to admit it but if i wasn't living with my parents i probably would have starved a long time ago. i hate feeling hungry but i have had to do it because i couldn't afford anything more than a .99 cheesburger.
sorry for the depressing matter but i had to let it out. i'm not perfect, nor do i claim to be, i am just a plain jane, dont expect anything more because i'm not going to bend over backwards to please you.
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Sunday, December 09, 2007
If I only had a brain....
So i have a week underneath my belt. I still have a little bit of mixed emotions because I am still learning the job. Riding the TARC isn't really all that bad...I'll wait till the laughter subsides. You chuckle but by riding the bus for one week I have saved myself $50 dollars so far in gas. Normally I would have filled up twice in a week but I have filled up once before monday and I have only used a quarter of a tank. Yes i am a pimp now. The benefits are amazing at the new place of employment. I will start back to class in January and I am pretty excited about it. I am thinking of taking a religous studies and a history course. They are both online, like I dont spend enough time on this. I am on my computer more than I spend watching tv. SAD but true. I would rather talk to people by typing than sit and watch tv. Things with me and greg are good.....I am happy. I am lookin forward to spending christmas with him. I think the scrooge in me is breaking down. I'm not saying that I like the holiday anymore, becuase I deep down cant stand it, but I'm not totally dissing it this year. People have been wondering why i dont like the holiday...I will tell you. Yes i love the fact that its a time of year when people get together and what not, but people...I dont just mean kids but people of ALL ages have made this holiday so COMMERCIALIZED that its ridiculous. The actual meaning of the holiday has been taken away and its sad. It has become a holiday of people asking for the biggest most expensive gifts. I get the feeling that its not so much of the family aspect anymore, but more so of the fact that its who can score the best gift and rub it in everyone's face. Sorry for being debbie downer but that's why i dont like christmas. Its the same way with valentines. i dont know maybe its the fact that i am just bitter inside. you never know......till next time.
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Saturday, December 01, 2007
ding dong ding dong
well yesterday was a limbo of emotions...i turned in my keys, my badge, made sure i had gathered everything that was left at my desk....i even gathered my microwave Property of Delana Dennis. it really is bittersweet. I have been going to the same office, the same desk, the same routine for a year and a half, and now starting monday i will begin a new routine, with a new office, and a new desk, a new set of faces to see day in and day out. i will be starting all over again. wish me luck. i have a good feeling about this job. everyone that i have met so far seem to really enjoy what they are doing. but with everything that i was doing yesterday there was also the goodbyes...well i shouldn't say goodbye because good bye is forever....it was more like I'll see ya laters. becasue i can't just leave everyone that i have seen and never see them again. also there was some recent events that just added to the "limbo-ness" of it all. anywho....i'm pretty excited about everything goin on...and i think this is the first year in a VERY long time that i have just the slightest bit of excitement about christmas. i dont know why maybe its everyone always pushing it on me....i still feel overwhelmed by it all but i'm not totally bashing it. keep it real folks. i'm off to get ready to babysit one fat baby.....call me or text me and keep me posted on the excitment in your life.....and here's a shout out to Katie...emy's sis. Rock on chick! CONGRATS on gettin accepted to med school! till next keep walkin on sunshine folks!
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Wednesday, November 28, 2007
eye of the Liger
Soooooooooooo last week was the Thanksgiving holiday. it came and it went. Nothing spectacular to say about it. I ate and I drove a lot! Three homes in one day. Friday I woke up and make the brave journey to the malls with Mom, Aunt Pam, and Denise. It was a GREAT day. you might say I'm crazy and yes i partially am. It wasn't a bad day at all. Got a lot of the shopping done, and found some good deals in some places but others not so much. Saturday I met Greg's grandparents on his mom's side of the family.....it went......well. I dont know how they really feel about him dating someone younger after two marriages. Ohhh well. This week has been kinda crazy as i have been wrapping this up at my current job trying to get everything squared away before my last day on Friday. It really started to hit me last night when i received a packet for resignation in the mail. I have to get a few more christmas presents for a few more people and then I will be done with christmas. WOO HOO! But i have to wait till the 14th when i get paid again. till next time....i will catch ya on the flip side. i'm going to bed
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Monday, November 19, 2007
Always Something There to Remind me
So this week has already proven that it is going to be a busy and crazy week. It was a very busy day and I am so worn out right now. I am ready for bed and its 8 something. Its a short week becuaes of Turkey day....YAY i love this holiday!!!! You have every reason to eat yourself fat! I love it.
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Friday, November 16, 2007
the clock is a tickin away
so i can't sleep right now....i have tried to sleep for nearly two hours. greg was going to stay the night but as i was in my restless state i tried to sleep i would turn the tv on and it was too bright and it would wake him up, i would turn my fan on becuase i would get hot, and then he would wake up becuase he couldn't breathe.....now he's not feeling well and i'm tryin to make him go home so he can get some rest. and here i am awake. i am lookin forward to starting my new job in two weeks but i am having mixed emotions. i am starting to stress myself out becuase i have so much to do before i go. i have been trying to get notes together so the person who comes in will have an idea of what i do. i just hope that they like reading because as of right now i am on page 24 of 14 font notes. its like once i start typing i start thinkin of more things that i do. i am really stressed out. i am looking forward to being able to go back to school, even though its 6 hours a semester i am lookin forward to it. hopefully one of these days i will be able to look at apartments. i would love to start looking.
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Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Like Sands Through the Hourglass
Ok so its time for me break away and spread my wings.....I start my new job Dec. 3rd!!!! can i just say that i am totally STOKED!!!!! i cant believe it! i want to jump up and down. I did not expect it. To be honest I had completely lost all hope that I would get a call and i left a message just following up on the interveiw yesterday. well.....today i got a call and i think my heart stopped and my jaw dropped. i know i got really shakey and then she asked if i was still interested. i think i said yes a zillion times. so the next couple of weeks will be busy ones as i prepare for my departure. YAY!!!
its moments like this...
here is is 8 something at night on the last day of august and i'm sitting outside and loving it. i took a minute to come outside and break from the cleaing and the homework. i'm listening to the locusts call out to one another. compared to the cicadas its almost relaxing. its cool and relaxing right now. i'm pretty tired as i haven't slept well in several nights. but emotional roller coasters will often do that to a person. life in general is going exceptionally well. there have been a few bumps in the road but i'm making terms of it. i made it through fall registration....and i just have to look forward to dual credits this month. roller derby is going well. i'm coming off of a three week hiatis off of skates. but that is just becasue i took a fall which left me with a concussion and a sprained shoulder and neck. the knots are easing their way out one by one. each day i find there is less and less pain but i also find that i have more pain the more i try to exert my shoulder. so i do as much as i can till the muscle spasms and then iu go stretch it out and let it rest. so far school this semester isn't horrible. i'm understanding math a little bit more, whcih is a 100% better than what i was doing over the summer. now that the summer is winding down i'm going to start walking more on my days that i'm not skating. i'm talking three miles to five miles. i can do it. its not that difficult.so since tomorrow is the first of the month, i'm gonna make some changes. that's what i'm going to do. i'm going to start walking more and i need to get back on my allergy medicine. i can tell a huge difference from when i'm on my medicine versus when i'm off it. i need to see which ones, if any that i need to get refilled. although i think i'm good for the time being, maybe just one i might need to get refilled. so here's my goals for the month of september. walk more, take my medications......easy enough. lol i should give myself a sticker for each day that i complete it. childish i know but its the little things in life that make me smile. i'm tired tonight, but im not ready for bed. its odd not preparing for bed just yet, but that is the glorious thing about extended holiday weekends. i wish we had extended weekends more often. i just have to get through the middle of december and then i'm off for two wonderful weeks. ahhhh bliss. i need to start putting money back so that i can get christmas presents for my loves. this summer was for the most part wonderful.
i made a trip to knoxville......didnt get much enjoyment cuase of two tests. but i did have some fun. i have been to bloomington where i shook my groove thang. i have been to dayton where i got to scrimmage Gem City. i have made some of the best friends a roller girl could ask for. i've lost love but found it right back. and i have learned to stick up for myself and listen to my heart. i have had to have a biopsy but it came back negative. i have learned to appreciate the fact that i will never again be able to squeeze my ass into a size 7 jean. maybe up to my cheeks but it will not go over the derby ass. i have pranked called Cliff from Ohio....check out the pics. i have gotten a new tattoo...again check out the pics. but for now the mosquitos are trying to attack so this is going to end. till next time my dear friends.
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Wednesday, June 18, 2008
while i’m waiting to go pee.....
i love this song, the lyrics just get me everytime. i just feel that its real. if you haven't heard this yet, you really need too.
PINK LYRICS"Dear Mr. President"(feat. Indigo Girls)Dear Mr. President,Come take a walk with me.Let's pretend we're just two people andYou're not better than me.I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street?Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?What do you feel when you look in the mirror?Are you proud?How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?How do you walk with your head held high?Can you even look me in the eyeAnd tell me why?Dear Mr. President,Were you a lonely boy?Are you a lonely boy?Are you a lonely boy?How can you sayNo child is left behind?We're not dumb and we're not blind.They're all sitting in your cellsWhile you pave the road to hell.What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?I can only imagine what the first lady has to sayYou've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine.How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?How do you walk with your head held high?Can you even look me in the eye?Let me tell you 'bout hard workMinimum wage with a baby on the wayLet me tell you 'bout hard workRebuilding your house after the bombs took them awayLet me tell you 'bout hard workBuilding a bed out of a cardboard boxLet me tell you 'bout hard workHard workHard workYou don't know nothing 'bout hard workHard workHard workOhHow do you sleep at night?How do you walk with your head held high?Dear Mr. President,You'd never take a walk with me.Would you?
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Tuesday, June 17, 2008
how am i gonna fix it....
these days suck....
its practically impossible for a 20-something with a decent job to survive right now. anyone who is living, breathing, and driving is knowing exactly what i mean. with everything going up in the prices....the pay check is quickly dwindling. its stressful to try to plan anything. i know i'm not the only one that's why i'm not going to preach to the choir. unless you are a multi-millionare you have no idea what me or the rest of the middle and lower class working citizen is feeling. so go ahead in your escalade and your h3 and ruin the chance for the rest of us to catch a break in the economy.
i'm in a "I truely suck at life" funk. i hate hate HATE the way i look. i can't stand the way my body looks in and out of clothes. i dont feel like i can do anything right. and more importantly the new love of my life roller derby....i'm in question as to whether or not it is something i want to be doing. last night i didnt skate in the scrimmage and as i sat there watching and re-reading over my comments from the feedback days i kept questioning if i was even good enough to continue on. i just really do not feel like i am good enough at anything. i am back in school for a second undergrad degree and i will go .. this to get a masters, but over the weekend i went to a family function i was doing some homework and i felt like i was just a waste of space because i was back in school. i never fit in. i failed to fit in at school, i didnt' fit in in any of the sorority scenes, i dont fit in at work, i dont fit in with my extened family, and its like derby is one of the few places that i can be myself yet i find myself closing myself in becasue i am afraid of being rejected there too. i feel lost most of the time. very few understand me, and even more few want to understand me.
i'm sorry for being your waste of space. for now i'm going to be my quiet unforeseen self and enjoy the few who do understand and like me for me.
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Thursday, June 12, 2008
i’m not gonna write you a love song today.....
i'm hoping to find the next month to have a better turnout than this month. i have been in a funk where i just feel like i suck at life. like no matter what i seemed to accomplish it wasn't good or worthy of speaking about. i was in a funk about everything. about work school self image skating my relationship...just everything. i wasn't happy. it seemed like one thing after another was just hitting me and slapping me in the face. i wasn't motivated to do anything to be anything. all i wanted to do was be a hermit and lock myself up. but its a new month. (i know its the middle of the month of june but i'm referring to May 10 (RIP Dave) through June 10th)
i am constantly faced with ignorance. yes it irratates me and it degrades me. one of these days karma will come around and bite them in their ass. people you are no more better than i am so quit being little bithces and go fuck someone else over. i'm tired of it.
i am on two allergy meds right now and for the first time in a LONG time i'm able to clearly breathe, headache and pain free, and the best part no mucusy coughing! now the only thing i have to get under control is my breathing when i skate. i push my ass off and then i get winded and start wheezing. so i'm hoping that once the allergy meds clear up most of the mucusy junk that i will be able to get good healthy lung capacity.
doritios for breakfast aren't really good. i'm still hungry but i dont know what i'm hungry for. eh well. guess i better go back to my life. much love.....keep it on the flip side eses!
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Friday, May 30, 2008
Piss on your stoop and kiss your grave goodnight
Dear America:
I live paycheck to paycheck. I am a budgetting freak. I can't go out to eat every week, let alone every day. I live with my parents becuase i can't afford to move out. I stress myself out becuase i can't afford gas each week. I have eaten off of pennies and dimes. I can't afford to pay for my new contacts which i need because the contacts i'm wearing now aren't the right prescription and my vision is blurry.
Dear America,
i shop at Wal Mart. I buy clothes at Wal Mart. I dont always buy name brand things. does this make me any less of a person?
Dear America:
My brother and other soldiers who are risking their lives daily fighting in a war are my heroes. I dont always agree with the war, but its their job and I support their efforts. I just hope that they come home. So i may shed my tears, might be a little cranky, and sick to my stomach but unless you have a close loved one over there you have no idea what kind of emotional wreck it is to have someone be gone.
Dear America:
Politics suck. I could care less if you are fanatical about them, they bore me and i dont understand them. Please call me stupid and i will tell you to fuck off.
Dear America:
I am educated. I have been to school. Just becuase i may look dumb sometimes and i dont always know the answers doesn't mean i'm completely ignorant. I am not the smartest person. You dont see me in papers and books or articles announcing my great achievments. I dont see you creating the cure for cancer. So please dont act like you are some genius. Cause in all actuality when you go home at night, you are just the same as me.....normal. So please stop walking around like your shit dont stink, like you are god's gift to america, and realize that you are just as ignorant as the rest of us.
Dear America:
I dont always make my bed. Does this make me a slob? Does this make me lazy? I dont think so, i think it makes me comfortable.
Dear America:
I'm not perfect, neither are you. I know my flaws. Please dont point them out and ridicule me of them. I know i'm not gorgeous, neither are you. I cant be just as hateful and pick you to pieces just as you do to me.
Dear America...
Can't you hear the silent cries for help? Cant you see the pain? Can't you tell we're hurting?
I am...i feel the pain. Everyday. I beg for help but no one hears me. I hurt but it doesn't do me any good to let you know. you are feeling it too. what about you?
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Wednesday, May 21, 2008
days go by.
sooooo lets see last week was a huge bump in the road, seemed like nothing was going to go right. so this week i made it a point to make this a good week....and so far it is going great! so i have a bruised assbone and a funky color elbow....i'm having a damn good week. monday was frustrating....i was having a moment of weekness.
tomorrow my brother and emily come into town and i couldn't be anymore excited...on sunday i get to see my rosie! YAY! i'm so excited. my brother and two of my faves coming to the L-K-Y!!!!
i got my official DCRG jacket on sunday and i was SO freaking excited. it makes me feel cool...whether or not i am i at least feel it. hope all is well. take care.
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Friday, May 09, 2008
beautiful disaster
I'm sorry for my absence from blogging....I just needed a break from things and blogging didnt seem fit for the mass majority to take in. since my last blog i did pass my assesments (it was a hell of a bitch but i did it), i had an upper resperitory infection that was almost a sinus infection, i have something torn in my foot but i dont know what.....all i know is that my foot is black and blue and some funky yellowish color from where the bruising is healing, i have been to the derby, and i'm completely and utterly exhausted!
so thank you to those who read and commented on my last blog. i just get so frustrated at other people's stupidity! it annoys me that just because i am not fitting into your barbie doll mold that you have to make me that less of a person. i am happy with my life. i have a lovely job, i'm getting a second degree, a loving boyfriend, and most importantly a family who is behind me (in some things-not all things). i am a jeans, t-shirt, and flip flops kinda girl. i like to run bare foot in the grass but most importantly i like who i am.
i got my new skates last week and i love them! i can tell a huge improvement in my skating and now i just have to quit thinking about what my feet are doing and just trust myself. the mucus monster is slowly making its way out of my system....just a few crud filled coughs here and there. i am loving roller derby and i can tell a difference in my body....i have muscle definition starting and i love it. i know i'll still be called fatty from certain people, but that's fine. i know i'm not fat....i just have some areas that are more loveable. well folks its that time....
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Tuesday, April 22, 2008
i was fine until you walked into my life Current mood: annoyed
so i really have this self concious feeling everyday i come to work. i know i really do not belong here. i dont dress like everyone else, i dont listen to the same music, i dont like doing the same things.......i'm just different. i hate that people judge me. i can hear the snikers the mumbles and i just get this feeling as though they just look at me funny. its a disturbing feeling from time to time. please forgive me for not fitting into your stereotypical molds i enjoy who i am and the way i am. i like the way i dress, i like the things that i listen to, and most of all i like the things that just make me happy. .
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Sunday, April 20, 2008
mas mas mas fin
so its official....assesments are on sunday. i'm started to get butterflies not just a little flutter of them, oh no, a whole swarm of them fluttering all at once. i find my self drifting when i'm in between things. i have to maintain a positive outlook on things but right now it is hard. especially when it seems like everytime i want to go for it the worse it gets. what you ask...the spasms or the cramps. the harder i try the harder i push the worse it seems the pain gets. i'm not giving up. i may end up with frustration and tears but i'm not giving up. these girls, the ones i'm skating next to are my heros. we've endured injuries, lack of breathe and tears, lots of tears.....together in a sense. not at the same time but togheter metaphysically speaking. im hoping that if i write, especially with my poor english skills that i have mastered right now that it'll help me ease my nerves at least a bit. i know i can do this. i have told others....."you have the drive and the will in you head and in your heart, its all a mental game, you just gotta go for it." i need to get myself pumped and go balls out for it. Like Mary Catherine Gahlleger said..."You are either two people. The one that sticks their toes in and feels the water to see if its cold, or you are the person that take a jump and goes all the way in." I'm going to be that person...the person who is in all the way. I need to stop psyching myself out. Its time bitches...and i'm ready to go. I'll keep you posted my readers. Much love from the bluegrass.
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Thursday, April 17, 2008
this is the way i live....
life is good right now, i mean yes i have achey muscles and a tingle in my back from time to time but all that will disperse when my body decides that it wants to love me back. its finally spring time in the Louisville area!!! i never thought it would get here but alas it has come and i'm happy! the days are starting to warm up and the spring weather is putting people in a better mood. i'm getting out and doing more outside rather than staying cooped in my room like a hermit.
boot camp is coming to an ending and it is a great feeling. i love going to practice. although i have been getting muscles aches in my back and my feet will cramp up i'm not giving up. i want this to bad. i admit at first i was just doing it for the fun of it, but i want to do this for myself. i'm loving roller derby and that's more than i can say for most of the sports that i have played. i think think the only other sport that i had this much will and drive to play was soccer. i can't wait till the day comes and i'm no longer a rookie.
in other news.....well let me think....hmmmm oooo i've been looking at new skates. just can't afford them yet. one of these days i'll save up enough money and i'll buy some purty new skates. ooooo this excites me. i'm really tired right now. i'm on five hours of sleep. i have a bottle of water that i threw a crystal light energy packet into.....i'm hoping that it will kick in soon. the big ole kentucky derby is just a few weeks away. i'm thinkin of goin back to the backside again this year. it was mucho fun and i had a good time hangin out by the track!well lovers i'm off.
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Friday, April 04, 2008
tainted love....
ok so maybe i’m crazy but there are just some things that just bug the yankers out of me. *side note* i think yankers is a funny word...so i use it.....its my flippin blog....damnit* i can’t stand people who are so arrogant and think that they are so much more above you. why dont i just sit here with a sign around my neck that states..."you are smarter than me, make more money than me PLEASE treat me like shit." then there are those few who just have to be included in every tiny ounce of convo. if you leave them out in the littlest thing...watch out becuase they will let someone know. it bothers me. it really does. i know i’m an intelligent person and i know i live on a budget but dont belittle me for it. and i will talk to the others and be nice but i dont want to be BFF’s for a reason. when you ask me something and i say no dont get huffy and whiney and ask me again...when i say no i seriously mean no. that is all. oh yeah.....come watch DCRG play tomorrow night...it will be an awesome game!
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Monday, March 31, 2008
constant whirlwind of emotion
so i know two blogs in one day.....
i have a lot just being scrambled up in that thing called my head. i’m stressing out. yes i’m only taking two classes this semester but things are hella crazy this time of the year. i have several tests and projects and homework assignments on top of a full day of work where i’m constantly staring at a computer screen. its frustrating.
i have an amazing group of girls that i skate with. they are basically my rocks when it comes to skating because without them or greg i wouldn’t have anyone behind me supporting me. its frustrating when you hear "i support you but i really dont agree with it" or "you are stupid/crazy for doing roller derby" i mean it starts to wear on ya when that’s all you hear. speaking of roller derby....i am trying my damndest at trying to learn. i’m trying to fit in and i’m trying to help out without being in the way. i dont want to be that gnat that wont go away but i’m not the "crazy outgoing wildly insane" person that everyone makes me out to always be. I am really really really super crazy shy. i’m still trying to warm up to people
what my family doesn’t realize is how hard i’m really trying to succeed. i am doing a lot of stuff on my own. a little support would be great. i would like to hear something other than "i’m glad she at least has good health insurance."
i guess i’m just frustrated because in everything i do i always try my hardest but it seems like my hardest is never good enough. aye...sorry for the bitch fest its more like pms is controlling me. bitch. i’m off to bed, maybe i’ll wake up with a better attitude....
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Falling in love with coffee
Aye the beginning of a new week. What will this week hold for me? It hasn’t started off on a high note. I woke up and WANTED to hit snooze but I didnt, instead I sluggishly drug my tired carcus out of bed and made my way to the bathroom to start getting ready for work. I’m tired and I’m sore from roller derby boot camp, but I am ready for more. I just hope that my right ankle will allow me to work hard again tonight. It just decided to go *FLLLUMP* yesterday towards the end of practice. I was pissed. I was running late this morning and I have no idea how. I got up in plenty of time and the next thing I know I’m running around the house trying to make sure I have everything becuase it is already a quarter after seven and i have to be at work in 45 minutes. I’m sure I forgot something. So here I am sitting in the car with mom listening to the rain bang on the window.....it makes me want to go back home and sleep. The bottoms of my dress pants are like a mop...damn pants. I want to take a vacay. It doesnt’ matter where I go but I want to take a few days off of work and enjoy some time away from the office. Hmmm I wonder if I can get Derby week off. Help mom keep her calm dury that week. She really stresses out when people come in town. I would rather choose to get me a hotel room and veg for the week. But I will be sleeping on the mattress in shawns room. My hips hurt and i think i have a bruise on my butt.....blue, black and purple is the new black. Its slimming. LOL
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Friday, March 28, 2008
traffic jam...when you’re already late
two weeks into b.c. and i must say i love it! i look forward to going to practice and i love my teammates. yes i have the muscle aches and the tiredness but nothing that two asprin and a good nap cant take care of. to be honest i’m using muscles that i forgot that ever existed in my ass!!!! and i have a bruise on my hip that i believe will forever be there. but i am having a blast and i am loving every minute of it. still in search of a plaid skirt so i might try to hit up a consignment shop and some other goodwill stores. i went to one and didnt find much of anything, well a man who really smelled of stale urine and lots of it, like someone hadn’t changed his man diaper in a couple of days.... that’s mean i know.
good news on the homefront.....TAYLOR’S opened this week. I have already made a trip to get my banana split in a cup with whip cream NO nuts. it was sooooo cold and me and katie were freezing but damn that ice cream was the shit. other than that the weather can’t seem to make up its freakin mind as to what it wants to do. one day its warm and beautiful and the next day its rainy and cold and with a super strong wind. 75 and sunny i say 75 and sunny.
easter was ok. nothing spectacular really happened. got up got ready went to the fams and ate dinner and then wrote two papers. yipee. i can’t wait to get these classes over with. i’m SO tired of history. i forgot how boring it is. i have tried everything to make it interesting but i can’t seem to do so.
well let me know what’s happening. i miss my lovlies and remember to rock it like the rockstars that you know you are! mucho love my darlings!
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Friday, March 14, 2008
Sensual Seduction..... Current mood: bouncy
I guess i am just shy at first but when i start a new job i admit that i’m really quiet and timid. Its just that i dont want to people make judgements, although i know people do. well now that i’m here i am starting to opening up and let my personality come through. I’m nervous, scared, and excited for what is in store for me for the next couple of months. I know i have the determination and the inner strength right now, but lets hope at the end of this i will be able to prove that my determination will help me get through this.
I didnt’ realize exactly how much my co-workers supported me till i told them that i was thinking about trying roller derby out. it is something new and exciting. i can’t wait to start and i hope that i can definitely do it. i have some catching up to do so i hope that i can catch up with out any problems so we will see. to carrie and satcha...thank you! to my co-workers....thanks for the support and the enthusiasm that you’re showing me while i was contemplating this decision. you all are my rockstars!
peace love and mullets!
Sunday, March 09, 2008
billie jean...
so here it is...one thirty in the morning. i have to work tomorrow and am i asleep....NO. am i anywhere near sleeping NO. i can't sleep and it sucks. OH WELL. i have to be up in four hours to start getting ready for work. i have tried everything that i can imagine! tomorrow will be interesting. i will so slap happy.
so we ended up with about fifteen inches of snow between friday and saturday. it was the second biggest snow that i have ever seen. it still have the same feelings i do when it comes to snow...its bleck! its cold, its wet, and its a mess when it melts. but even though i dont like the stuff i got out and i helped shovel snow off of the driveway.....and sidewalk. not a problem. decided to go with greg to help him shovel off one of our firends mom's driveway too...ooooo buddy after that second driveway i definitely started feeling the sting. but its good for me. lets me know that i'm alive.
so between not sleeping and achey muscles i'm sitting here in bed awake. let me know what's going on in your lives...i'm sure its better than mine. much love my dear readers. oh here's a shout out to greg...he put up with my sore ass.
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Friday, March 07, 2008
How do you talk to an angel?
Well its snowing.....AGAIN. If its not tornadic weather its snow and ice. I guess i can't complain. I mean we have gotten out early once, and had two delays because of the weather, but still i hate getting out into it. I dont like being cold and wet, and when you're short jeans drag and get icky. I know i'm complaining....bite my ass! I will be happy with mother nature when its 75 and sunny! What can i say i love the warm sunny days. They put me in a good mood. Get in my car, roll my winders down, put on a good tune and roll with the good times. I love it, its a great feeling.
So i'm trying to find something new to get my lazy rear into. I just feel blah. I have been thinking of a gym membership, but i HATE going by myself. It took me so much effort to go when i was in school, granted i knew i could go but i just hated going by myself. I cant wait till it warms up just a little bit so i can start walking outside again, however, I refuse to walk in the morning. I about got hit one to many times and i about got into it with a neighbor becuase she was FLYING down the road and about ran over me. Good times good times.
BLAH, what else is new. Not really a whole heck of a lot. Just gotta throw out some mad props to Erin! CONGRATS chicka. Way to find what seems to be an awesome job opportunity! What-what! Also, if anyone is in Louisville on March 22 and want to watch one hell of a match, the Derby City Roller Girls will be having a bout against the Blue Ridge Roller Girls. These girls are coming in from Ashville, NC so come check it out. If you haven't gotten your tickets yet, you better hurry! They go quick! So come out and support DCRG! I can promise you that its gonna be one hell of an awesome good time. I mean c'mon who WOULDN'T want to see chicks beat the shit out of one another on skates! Carrie A Glock and Satcha Sweetheart...this shout outs to you! Mucho love for you hot bitches!
Well mias i best be gettin outta this joint and goin to get my arse into fifth gear.
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Monday, March 03, 2008
Dancin for the Groceries
So this weekend was absolutely awesome! I had my doubts but it was undoubtedly fun.
Friday night i got off work ran to the tanning bed, went home, jumped in the shower and got ready. Then Greg and myself went to Moes....cause "Moes knows burritos" I'm talking a burrito that could feed two small people. These things are HUGE. Good god it was good eating it, but i knew i would pay the consequences later on....just remember if you go "Sour cream is extra, is that okay?" Even though its already on your food....like what are they gonna do scrape it up and ruin your burrito if you say no. AYE. ANYWHO....back to the weekend. After dinner me and greg went to Alpine Ice and went ice skating. It had been FOREVER since i had gone ice skating last. It was so much fun. I remember i liked ice skating and i wasn't horrible at it, just not an olympic gold medalist! Greg might need to improve his form but at least he got out there and tried. He kept calling me a smart ass cause i would skate backwards...HEHEHE i think rollerblading helped me out a lot with that one. I would rollerblade for hours as a kid. I forgot about some muscles that were aching the next day! Oooo my back and my ankles were horribly sore!
Saturday night me and greg met up with Paul and Erin and we had a good night at Olive Garden and bowling. Yes i suck at bowling in the first place, i'm lucky if i can even break 75, but add some Tropical Sangrias on top of already being horrible and you get A LOT of gutter balls! Greg might say it was the ball i was using, i say it was user error! i think i'm going to have to make tropical sangrias for Erin and me next time ...
I really want to go roller skating. I have wanted to go for awhile now, but no one wants to go with me. I haven't been since high school...middle school before that but i liked going. i dont like doing things by myself but i dont know of anyone who would go with me.
Well my lovely readers i best be gettin off of here....till next time.
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Thursday, February 28, 2008
double barrel shotgun....
So its been a couple days since i have last made a blog. am i losing my touch? am i losing my mind? do i not care about my blog lovers? oh no children this is not the case, in any sense. i have just been super busy. i have been studying like a mad woman trying to play catch up with classes. one of my classes is even completely being neglected right now! foreshame i say! that's what i get though. there are only so many hours in a day and i can only do so much before i fall asleep.
besides class it has been downright COLD. and not to mention blah! i dont like snow and i definitely do not like ice. snow is pretty when you dont have to go outside in it. its cold and its wet and its just a mess when it melts. ice is just depressing. it is. i keep telling myself when i go outside it 75 and sunny. that's my ideal day. 75 degrees and sunny. there's a soft warm breeze and no humidity. ah for it to be spring again. spring cant seem to get here fast enough. i'm tired of being cold.
work is going well. staying busy and al that jazz. nothing to really complain about. i go in, eat my lunch at my desk and get off at 430. *sigh*
oh big news...GIRL SCOUT COOKIES CAME THIS WEEK! i was excited. ok that's all for now. toodles!
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Monday, February 11, 2008
Oh I, I just died in your arms
So this weekend wasn't bad at all. I got to spend an awesome time with Rose and Shannon, and got to see shannon's newest edition, Nicholas. I can't believe how tiny he is, but he is So precious. It was awesome getting to see Rosie too! i miss her when she's gone. Saturday night mexican at El Nopal and for the first time in i dont know how long, the four of us who did go actually sat down and drank something. i'm not talking about water or sweet tea. but there were alcoholic drinks by each and every one of us. it was nice. yesterday was pretty much a bum day. just a lazy day. it was too cold to really get out and do too much.
valentimes day is thursday.....if ya'll are in need of something cheap to do for you lover go to white castle. according to erin and paul, they are gonna have it all set up snazzy. oh yea i'm talking about table clothes and table side service. LOL "HEY I NEED ANOTHER SLIDER OVER HERE!!!!"
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Wednesday, February 06, 2008
write that down....
ok so here it goes.....i'm like terrified of night storms. storms during the day have no affect on me but the severe storms that roll through at night just hit me the absoute wrong way! i get really ansy and go from one window to another making sure everything is ok. last night was awful! i laid in bed watching the news making sure that the weather wasn't going to do anything stupid in Henry county. When they said tornado warnings in Jefferson county i started to get real uneasy.i really wanted to go to sleep before one this morning but that's not how it worked out. i just laid in bed watching. it was as if i was glued to my tv. i would get up look out my window, as if i could actually see anything in the absolute darkness that succombed my neighborhood. no the electricity didnt' go out, the end of my neighborhood is just THAT dark. i would see the wind whipping the trees when there was a flash of lightning. so here i am today tired. i am in serious need of a caffine shock. i am half tempted to walk across the street and try the vanilla ice coffee from mcd's just because i'm hoping that it will have enough caffine to boost me through the rest of the work day. i need a new hobby, well i say that but i dont have time to do much during the week as it is right now. ok so i'm rambling.....deal with it. ok 'm really bored so i'm going to jet.
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Monday, February 04, 2008
hey you’re a crazy bitch but you f*@ so good....
where did i last leave my ever faithful myspace readers and stalkers (you know who you are).....classes are in full swing and that means a lot of new applications are coming in to work and creating a lovely little balencing act for me. During the day "admissions counselor extrodannaire," at night "student of the clinically insane," and if i can find free time "beer pong champ in training" ok ok not so much of the latter but it sounded good. but back on subject. i work a full time job and as soon as i get off i try to get focused and get in "study mode" taking two online classes has its ups and downs......such as you have make yourself want to learn. in one of my classes i have a chapter to read a week.....when a good show comes on a lot of times i have to miss it because i have to get the reading done. I did let myself get off track for a week and now i'm paying the consequences. i'm so far behind and we have a four chapter test this week. so i'm trying to squeeze a chapter and a half into four days....i know it CAN be done, i'm just hoping that it WILL get done.
this past weekend i went to see Bonnie "carrie a glock" battle it out with the the rest of the Derby City Roller Girls....the match was undoubtedly fun! i can't wait till their next home game so i can show my love to these hard core bitches! bonnie was rockin! she definitely used her "ass"etts to her advantage!!! i loved it. other than that it was superbowl weekend....didn't pay a lick of attention to the game whatsoever so dont ask me any questions or statistical facts because i will look at you like your a dumbass and change the subject!
in other news.....wait there isn't other news that was the play by play of my so called wonderful life. i need coffee...my brain hurts. till next time...show me the love and i'll consider giving you a shout out. peace out bitches!
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Thursday, January 24, 2008
where the streets have no name......
So let me enlighten you on some facebook facts........
I decided to take off of ole facebook my relationship status. I went from "In a relationship" to just taking it completely off. It never mentioned that i was single complicated etc. I just simply took it off. Would you know that i have had more people ask me what is up with that. LET ME CLEAR THE AIR.....
I am still in a perfect idealic most wonderful relationship that I could ever have asked for. I am in love with a man who loves me back. I'm not ashamed to say it on a public blog where everyone can see, that's why I am saying it. So that people will stop hounding me with "What happened" "when did you all split" "I thought things were going so well"
I couldn't have asked anyone for the happiness that Greg has brought me in the past nine months. On this note I leave you with this....I am happy with my relationship. THE END
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Thursday, January 17, 2008
wake me up before you go
so its been a minute since my last post. sorry. not much went on really that was newsworthy. so i guess i should catch you up to speed. i'm settling into my job nicely.....i suppose. i still am trying to learn everything but with registration over with and students now enrolled i should be able to give myself a break and not stress over the little things. christmas was absolutely wonderful. my family and boyfriend are more than i could ever ask for. new years was nice and relaxing. MUCHO KUDOS to the Schmidts for letting us come over for a wonderful evening. i started my classes and for them both being online, i can't seem to find any complaints. i am pacing myself so i can gained the knowledge that i really need to know. its just hard making myself read so much for one class that i seem to ignore my other class, so i'm devoting some of this weekend to nothing but catching up on homework and reading for class. i know i'm such the party animal.
have you ever felt like you were always on the sideline or in someone's shadow? ooo i raise not one but both hands. i have always been that person, and i will probably always will be. i am not the most intelligent, most athletic, prettiest, skinniest, most outgoing person not will i ever be that person. I am me. I have high energy moments where i just want to run for days and still have energy. Other days i just want to be a hermit and seclude myself from the world. In between those two extremes I am quiet. For as long as i can remember i have always been that person who is pushed to the side for someone, something, some place. i try not to get to attached to something cause i know in the end getting attached will just myself hurt. and the more promises that are made, the more it will hurt in the long run. i admit i am tired of broken promises, but no matter how old i get i still find myself holding on to a little bit of hope, only to get my ass knocked down. and i once again am let down. some days i feel like i am just invisible. it is almost as if i don't exist. i will tell someone something and they dont say anything and then five minutes later they will ask me about the same thing i just told them about. sometimes i just want to scream, but what would be the point if no one listened. no one would hear it.
i have panic attacks...they aren't fun, they can actually be scary from time to time. my mind wont shut off sometimes. if i know i'm in a financial crisis i will crunch numbers until i can find a solution. i will go over and over and each time i will come up with the same number of my total but i will do it, and then i start to panic and then i will decide which bill i will pay late. if it means taking a late charge i will pay my bill late. i hate to admit it but if i wasn't living with my parents i probably would have starved a long time ago. i hate feeling hungry but i have had to do it because i couldn't afford anything more than a .99 cheesburger.
sorry for the depressing matter but i had to let it out. i'm not perfect, nor do i claim to be, i am just a plain jane, dont expect anything more because i'm not going to bend over backwards to please you.
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Sunday, December 09, 2007
If I only had a brain....
So i have a week underneath my belt. I still have a little bit of mixed emotions because I am still learning the job. Riding the TARC isn't really all that bad...I'll wait till the laughter subsides. You chuckle but by riding the bus for one week I have saved myself $50 dollars so far in gas. Normally I would have filled up twice in a week but I have filled up once before monday and I have only used a quarter of a tank. Yes i am a pimp now. The benefits are amazing at the new place of employment. I will start back to class in January and I am pretty excited about it. I am thinking of taking a religous studies and a history course. They are both online, like I dont spend enough time on this. I am on my computer more than I spend watching tv. SAD but true. I would rather talk to people by typing than sit and watch tv. Things with me and greg are good.....I am happy. I am lookin forward to spending christmas with him. I think the scrooge in me is breaking down. I'm not saying that I like the holiday anymore, becuase I deep down cant stand it, but I'm not totally dissing it this year. People have been wondering why i dont like the holiday...I will tell you. Yes i love the fact that its a time of year when people get together and what not, but people...I dont just mean kids but people of ALL ages have made this holiday so COMMERCIALIZED that its ridiculous. The actual meaning of the holiday has been taken away and its sad. It has become a holiday of people asking for the biggest most expensive gifts. I get the feeling that its not so much of the family aspect anymore, but more so of the fact that its who can score the best gift and rub it in everyone's face. Sorry for being debbie downer but that's why i dont like christmas. Its the same way with valentines. i dont know maybe its the fact that i am just bitter inside. you never know......till next time.
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Saturday, December 01, 2007
ding dong ding dong
well yesterday was a limbo of emotions...i turned in my keys, my badge, made sure i had gathered everything that was left at my desk....i even gathered my microwave Property of Delana Dennis. it really is bittersweet. I have been going to the same office, the same desk, the same routine for a year and a half, and now starting monday i will begin a new routine, with a new office, and a new desk, a new set of faces to see day in and day out. i will be starting all over again. wish me luck. i have a good feeling about this job. everyone that i have met so far seem to really enjoy what they are doing. but with everything that i was doing yesterday there was also the goodbyes...well i shouldn't say goodbye because good bye is forever....it was more like I'll see ya laters. becasue i can't just leave everyone that i have seen and never see them again. also there was some recent events that just added to the "limbo-ness" of it all. anywho....i'm pretty excited about everything goin on...and i think this is the first year in a VERY long time that i have just the slightest bit of excitement about christmas. i dont know why maybe its everyone always pushing it on me....i still feel overwhelmed by it all but i'm not totally bashing it. keep it real folks. i'm off to get ready to babysit one fat baby.....call me or text me and keep me posted on the excitment in your life.....and here's a shout out to Katie...emy's sis. Rock on chick! CONGRATS on gettin accepted to med school! till next keep walkin on sunshine folks!
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Wednesday, November 28, 2007
eye of the Liger
Soooooooooooo last week was the Thanksgiving holiday. it came and it went. Nothing spectacular to say about it. I ate and I drove a lot! Three homes in one day. Friday I woke up and make the brave journey to the malls with Mom, Aunt Pam, and Denise. It was a GREAT day. you might say I'm crazy and yes i partially am. It wasn't a bad day at all. Got a lot of the shopping done, and found some good deals in some places but others not so much. Saturday I met Greg's grandparents on his mom's side of the family.....it went......well. I dont know how they really feel about him dating someone younger after two marriages. Ohhh well. This week has been kinda crazy as i have been wrapping this up at my current job trying to get everything squared away before my last day on Friday. It really started to hit me last night when i received a packet for resignation in the mail. I have to get a few more christmas presents for a few more people and then I will be done with christmas. WOO HOO! But i have to wait till the 14th when i get paid again. till next time....i will catch ya on the flip side. i'm going to bed
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Monday, November 19, 2007
Always Something There to Remind me
So this week has already proven that it is going to be a busy and crazy week. It was a very busy day and I am so worn out right now. I am ready for bed and its 8 something. Its a short week becuaes of Turkey day....YAY i love this holiday!!!! You have every reason to eat yourself fat! I love it.
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Friday, November 16, 2007
the clock is a tickin away
so i can't sleep right now....i have tried to sleep for nearly two hours. greg was going to stay the night but as i was in my restless state i tried to sleep i would turn the tv on and it was too bright and it would wake him up, i would turn my fan on becuase i would get hot, and then he would wake up becuase he couldn't breathe.....now he's not feeling well and i'm tryin to make him go home so he can get some rest. and here i am awake. i am lookin forward to starting my new job in two weeks but i am having mixed emotions. i am starting to stress myself out becuase i have so much to do before i go. i have been trying to get notes together so the person who comes in will have an idea of what i do. i just hope that they like reading because as of right now i am on page 24 of 14 font notes. its like once i start typing i start thinkin of more things that i do. i am really stressed out. i am looking forward to being able to go back to school, even though its 6 hours a semester i am lookin forward to it. hopefully one of these days i will be able to look at apartments. i would love to start looking.
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Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Like Sands Through the Hourglass
Ok so its time for me break away and spread my wings.....I start my new job Dec. 3rd!!!! can i just say that i am totally STOKED!!!!! i cant believe it! i want to jump up and down. I did not expect it. To be honest I had completely lost all hope that I would get a call and i left a message just following up on the interveiw yesterday. well.....today i got a call and i think my heart stopped and my jaw dropped. i know i got really shakey and then she asked if i was still interested. i think i said yes a zillion times. so the next couple of weeks will be busy ones as i prepare for my departure. YAY!!!
screw you too sinus cavity....
sinus gloop, sinus drip, sinus bleck.....
i've had it up to my sinus cavity with the popping of allegra, sniffing nasonex, and inhaling two different inhalents........it feels like i'm constantly popping, sniffing, inhaling some form of medicine now. i guess that is why i have such a fucking hard time keeping track of this shit. take this one with just water, do not eat for an hour after this one, brush your teeth with this one, and blow your nose before this one. holy hell so many drugs and one tiny molecule for a brain.
news flash......
big fashion no-no.....big girls...i mean BIG girls, do NOT need to wear skinny jeans. with cut off micro shirt. where's the "CAUTION WIDE LOAD" sign with the blubbering sound effects when you need one.
I admit i am a huge people watcher. I walk to my bus every aftertnoon from 2nd street to 4th street and there is a plethera of interesting creatures that walk in my presence. i see the true "working" girl in her micro mini and halter, although not too appealing when you are nothing but skin and bones from all of the drug usage. i see the homeboys with pants to their knees. no wonder they can't run. they can barely walk without having to hold up their pants. oh yes...let me not forget about the "i'm better than you yuppies, in their fantabulous business attire"
I'm ready to get my new wheels in so i can skate without slipping. maybe i wont be so discouraged when i leave practice. i just feel like each time i take a hit i slide. *not cool* and i think i'm going to try and skate more outside....find a park or something with a good sidewalk and skate. i love roller derby....although i have a lot of catching up to do. being off of skates for three weeks wasn't what i needed for my stamina and endurance. le sigh. i will get my time down to 17 seconds. i just have to break 18 seconds first. maybe if i can skate fast then the coach will talk to me and not make me feel like i'm good enough. i know i'm not fast. i will be one day. just give me time. i'm sorry. i will make you proud, just dont get frustrated with me. i'm trying. you will know when i'm not. if i'm on skates, i'm giving you my all. just dont get behind me and tell me that i can go faster when i'm already doing the best that i can at that moment. it only makes me feel like why i am i even doing this at all. i dont feel like i make you happy to be on this team. i feel like i'm just wasting your time when you get behind me and holler that you can do better. its not what i'm paying good money for. i give myself a hard enough time, and that just adds salt to the wound. i have only been skating since march.....i'm not perfect. i'm not a speed skater, i'm sorry if you were informed incorrectly. i will try till i bleed or cannot breathe anymore but i'm trying. *think snide comments here*
till next time....break a sweat.
i've had it up to my sinus cavity with the popping of allegra, sniffing nasonex, and inhaling two different inhalents........it feels like i'm constantly popping, sniffing, inhaling some form of medicine now. i guess that is why i have such a fucking hard time keeping track of this shit. take this one with just water, do not eat for an hour after this one, brush your teeth with this one, and blow your nose before this one. holy hell so many drugs and one tiny molecule for a brain.
news flash......
big fashion no-no.....big girls...i mean BIG girls, do NOT need to wear skinny jeans. with cut off micro shirt. where's the "CAUTION WIDE LOAD" sign with the blubbering sound effects when you need one.
I admit i am a huge people watcher. I walk to my bus every aftertnoon from 2nd street to 4th street and there is a plethera of interesting creatures that walk in my presence. i see the true "working" girl in her micro mini and halter, although not too appealing when you are nothing but skin and bones from all of the drug usage. i see the homeboys with pants to their knees. no wonder they can't run. they can barely walk without having to hold up their pants. oh yes...let me not forget about the "i'm better than you yuppies, in their fantabulous business attire"
I'm ready to get my new wheels in so i can skate without slipping. maybe i wont be so discouraged when i leave practice. i just feel like each time i take a hit i slide. *not cool* and i think i'm going to try and skate more outside....find a park or something with a good sidewalk and skate. i love roller derby....although i have a lot of catching up to do. being off of skates for three weeks wasn't what i needed for my stamina and endurance. le sigh. i will get my time down to 17 seconds. i just have to break 18 seconds first. maybe if i can skate fast then the coach will talk to me and not make me feel like i'm good enough. i know i'm not fast. i will be one day. just give me time. i'm sorry. i will make you proud, just dont get frustrated with me. i'm trying. you will know when i'm not. if i'm on skates, i'm giving you my all. just dont get behind me and tell me that i can go faster when i'm already doing the best that i can at that moment. it only makes me feel like why i am i even doing this at all. i dont feel like i make you happy to be on this team. i feel like i'm just wasting your time when you get behind me and holler that you can do better. its not what i'm paying good money for. i give myself a hard enough time, and that just adds salt to the wound. i have only been skating since march.....i'm not perfect. i'm not a speed skater, i'm sorry if you were informed incorrectly. i will try till i bleed or cannot breathe anymore but i'm trying. *think snide comments here*
till next time....break a sweat.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
this is to you my loves.
i dont know why, but for some reason i feel like blogging again. i got out of the habit back in the spring. i normally blog on myspace but it seems more like a survey outlet for most people these days. i dont know what is going on with me lately. i feel like i'm not good enough again. i feel like i'm struggling. i dont know if i'm scared or if i'm just really not that good. but i am going to push through. i want to play hard. i dont want to go home feeling like a failure anymore. i want to give it my all. i sometimes feel that if you good isn't good enough, than you aren't trying hard enough. ever since march i feel like i have had my back against a wall with roller derby. like there isnt' a soul there to help support me. my teammates, god i love my teammates, they pick me up when i fall, they support me when my underwire falls flat (theorectically speaking), they are my rocks, my underwires, my heart. seriously though, the past months have been a rollercoaster for me. i can't tell people thank you enough. how can you tell someone thank you when they dont even realize how much they have actually been there sometimes just listening is the best thing. so to my friends, my family, my teammates, i want to tell you thank you. how can you tell someone that they love you one day and the next fall out of love. how can you look someone in the eyes and give them a hug and not tell them that things aren't right. i wish i knew too. but given time, patience, and an unbreakable spirit, i too will get over this obstacle. i am not a quitter...i might fail, but that doesn't make me a failure, i might get lost, but not permanently. i keep wondering what i'm set out to do in this lifetime....right now i dont know. i am taking it one day at a time. i dance like no one is watching, i sing like no one is listening, but more importantly i love as if it is my last chance to love someone. till next time, keep smiling, keep dancing, and keep loving.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
bloggin your noggin
October 13, 2007 - Saturday
Octavious is my hero.....
Ok so not really but this is a dedication to Paul Schimdt in all his drunken glory. He informed me tonight that I, the random blogger that I may be, am an awesome blogger, so here it is Paul....a blog just for you. Drink up dear pal, get you a whore and be happy! The wife will shake her head and laugh till she cries, and the boy will dribble and shit, well, cause that is what he does best (it just doesn't stink as bad as yours does). When I finish this blog i will continue to do what i do best, pick up old men. Yes i admit i am dating a guy who is older, almost nine years older but apparently i have a thing for attracting OLD guys who will just randomly check me out. I laugh and wonder why but ya know what ever will get their engines goin. HA!!!!! I always wonder what my life was going to be like......and know i know......random nights with my friends and picking up old guys when i least expect it. well i just wanted to throw a shout out to paul since i am an AWESOME blogger.....till next time.
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October 11, 2007 - Thursday
get yo fix
so let's see i'm on day three.....of weight watchers. i have had to modify it some becuase i can't keep giving up my points for milk. i drink two glasses a day....that's too many points for me to give up just for milk. SO here's how i'm modifying it. i'm going to continue keeping track of the foods i eat.....i'm cutting my portions down to the ww portions and keep track that way, as far as drinks, i'm not going to count the points for those, just keep track at how much i do actually drink in a day. so far i feel more satisfied at the progress. i feel more fulfilled. whether or not this new modified version works is yet to be determined.
i had a flu shot today.... my arm hurts, my neck hurts....BUT it will go away. woo hoo! yesterday i was very irritable when i woke up. of course i woke up hungry. i dont think i'm going to continue to walk in the morning, i'm having a hard time waking up and walking in the cold. i did a nice long walk today after i got home from work......it wasn't as cold as it was this morning which made for a nice walk.
sometimes i wishi i could afford to repaint my room. i would love to have a new look. i would love to have tan walls, with camo sheets and a teal and brown comforter. ohhh the joys of dreaming. tomorrow starts the weekend....YAHOOIE!!!!!!
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October 9, 2007 - Tuesday
dont feed the birds!
so i'm trying out weight watchers right now....the whole counting points and food portions.....day one SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hungry. i have eaten my whopping 20 points plus the 1 extra point i get for walking...granted i have 35 points that i get to play with because they are my "flex" points but hey i'm on day one....what good would it do me to use those extra points. i have a goal in mind to drop 20 pounds, but its gonna be hard. i know people sitting there reading this are like....IS SHE NUTS....yes i am. i am a nutty person, peanuts sound good. and speaking of peanuts i can have 40 peanuts for 4 points. i did get a nice fulfillment of grilled chicken and brocolli for dinner for a nice 3 points. tomorrow i dont know how well i will do....food is just so tempting. i never thought i would miss food as much as i do now. i know i dont need to really diet, but i do need to cut back on some of the food that i intake. one beer (12 oz) is 2 points so if i dont eat for an entire day i can have 10 beers! hahahaha just had to throw that in! i fell asleep in the tanning bed today.....NOT good. i have rosey red cheeks and neck. woops go me. . i'm still not too thrilled about things at work, morale is definitely at a low, and i have just begun to ignore the negativity that comes my way. its almost like i'm shutting people off. it just gets me really low when i hear it. and it effects me. i was told i just dont have that spark like i used to a couple months back. and its true.....i dont. i try to get everything done but for the amount of stuff that i'm doing i am definitely not bringing home a decent amount in my check every two weeks. i really need to stop complaining! things could be a lot worse than what they are. i haven't talked to my brother since last week....and its disheartening. but i'm not worried aobut it cause whenever he feels that he wants to talk he'll call. i'm not goin to waste his time and call him. i just wish that he would have spent like maybe five minutes with me. but that's just wishful thinking. can't always get what you want. in positive news...the heat wave broke. today was WONDERFUL i could actually breathe too.....it was amazing. i get to see greg on friday and i'm super excited. i look forward to friday because well one i get off at 2 but also that i get to start my weekend off by seeing my boyfriend! he's absolutely great! he really makes me smile! he's my guy! well my avid readers......much love to ya, and keep the love comin.....
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October 8, 2007 - Monday
when all else fails.....blare some carley simon
its true. when i have had a bad day i crank up my cd player in my car and just BLARE my carley simon favorite hits cd...although i have listened to it so many times that its scratched i LOVE it still. i am too broke to go and bye a new copy of it but ya know what i will listen to this poor cd till it cannot be played anymore. people can bitch and complain all they want but at the end of the day i get in my car buckle up for that hour drive home and listen to carley....i just let her sing all my frustrations away. baking is becoming a little too expensive so i am turning to my ipod to take it all away, and i'm not a big emotional eater because nothing ever sounds good when i'm so stressed out, because i get heart burn really bad when i eat something when i stress. oh well i just needed to get that out.
Octavious is my hero.....
Ok so not really but this is a dedication to Paul Schimdt in all his drunken glory. He informed me tonight that I, the random blogger that I may be, am an awesome blogger, so here it is Paul....a blog just for you. Drink up dear pal, get you a whore and be happy! The wife will shake her head and laugh till she cries, and the boy will dribble and shit, well, cause that is what he does best (it just doesn't stink as bad as yours does). When I finish this blog i will continue to do what i do best, pick up old men. Yes i admit i am dating a guy who is older, almost nine years older but apparently i have a thing for attracting OLD guys who will just randomly check me out. I laugh and wonder why but ya know what ever will get their engines goin. HA!!!!! I always wonder what my life was going to be like......and know i know......random nights with my friends and picking up old guys when i least expect it. well i just wanted to throw a shout out to paul since i am an AWESOME blogger.....till next time.
7:59 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
October 11, 2007 - Thursday
get yo fix
so let's see i'm on day three.....of weight watchers. i have had to modify it some becuase i can't keep giving up my points for milk. i drink two glasses a day....that's too many points for me to give up just for milk. SO here's how i'm modifying it. i'm going to continue keeping track of the foods i eat.....i'm cutting my portions down to the ww portions and keep track that way, as far as drinks, i'm not going to count the points for those, just keep track at how much i do actually drink in a day. so far i feel more satisfied at the progress. i feel more fulfilled. whether or not this new modified version works is yet to be determined.
i had a flu shot today.... my arm hurts, my neck hurts....BUT it will go away. woo hoo! yesterday i was very irritable when i woke up. of course i woke up hungry. i dont think i'm going to continue to walk in the morning, i'm having a hard time waking up and walking in the cold. i did a nice long walk today after i got home from work......it wasn't as cold as it was this morning which made for a nice walk.
sometimes i wishi i could afford to repaint my room. i would love to have a new look. i would love to have tan walls, with camo sheets and a teal and brown comforter. ohhh the joys of dreaming. tomorrow starts the weekend....YAHOOIE!!!!!!
6:19 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
October 9, 2007 - Tuesday
dont feed the birds!
so i'm trying out weight watchers right now....the whole counting points and food portions.....day one SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hungry. i have eaten my whopping 20 points plus the 1 extra point i get for walking...granted i have 35 points that i get to play with because they are my "flex" points but hey i'm on day one....what good would it do me to use those extra points. i have a goal in mind to drop 20 pounds, but its gonna be hard. i know people sitting there reading this are like....IS SHE NUTS....yes i am. i am a nutty person, peanuts sound good. and speaking of peanuts i can have 40 peanuts for 4 points. i did get a nice fulfillment of grilled chicken and brocolli for dinner for a nice 3 points. tomorrow i dont know how well i will do....food is just so tempting. i never thought i would miss food as much as i do now. i know i dont need to really diet, but i do need to cut back on some of the food that i intake. one beer (12 oz) is 2 points so if i dont eat for an entire day i can have 10 beers! hahahaha just had to throw that in! i fell asleep in the tanning bed today.....NOT good. i have rosey red cheeks and neck. woops go me. . i'm still not too thrilled about things at work, morale is definitely at a low, and i have just begun to ignore the negativity that comes my way. its almost like i'm shutting people off. it just gets me really low when i hear it. and it effects me. i was told i just dont have that spark like i used to a couple months back. and its true.....i dont. i try to get everything done but for the amount of stuff that i'm doing i am definitely not bringing home a decent amount in my check every two weeks. i really need to stop complaining! things could be a lot worse than what they are. i haven't talked to my brother since last week....and its disheartening. but i'm not worried aobut it cause whenever he feels that he wants to talk he'll call. i'm not goin to waste his time and call him. i just wish that he would have spent like maybe five minutes with me. but that's just wishful thinking. can't always get what you want. in positive news...the heat wave broke. today was WONDERFUL i could actually breathe too.....it was amazing. i get to see greg on friday and i'm super excited. i look forward to friday because well one i get off at 2 but also that i get to start my weekend off by seeing my boyfriend! he's absolutely great! he really makes me smile! he's my guy! well my avid readers......much love to ya, and keep the love comin.....
5:58 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
October 8, 2007 - Monday
when all else fails.....blare some carley simon
its true. when i have had a bad day i crank up my cd player in my car and just BLARE my carley simon favorite hits cd...although i have listened to it so many times that its scratched i LOVE it still. i am too broke to go and bye a new copy of it but ya know what i will listen to this poor cd till it cannot be played anymore. people can bitch and complain all they want but at the end of the day i get in my car buckle up for that hour drive home and listen to carley....i just let her sing all my frustrations away. baking is becoming a little too expensive so i am turning to my ipod to take it all away, and i'm not a big emotional eater because nothing ever sounds good when i'm so stressed out, because i get heart burn really bad when i eat something when i stress. oh well i just needed to get that out.
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