this is to you my loves.

i dont know why, but for some reason i feel like blogging again. i got out of the habit back in the spring. i normally blog on myspace but it seems more like a survey outlet for most people these days. i dont know what is going on with me lately. i feel like i'm not good enough again. i feel like i'm struggling. i dont know if i'm scared or if i'm just really not that good. but i am going to push through. i want to play hard. i dont want to go home feeling like a failure anymore. i want to give it my all. i sometimes feel that if you good isn't good enough, than you aren't trying hard enough. ever since march i feel like i have had my back against a wall with roller derby. like there isnt' a soul there to help support me. my teammates, god i love my teammates, they pick me up when i fall, they support me when my underwire falls flat (theorectically speaking), they are my rocks, my underwires, my heart. seriously though, the past months have been a rollercoaster for me. i can't tell people thank you enough. how can you tell someone thank you when they dont even realize how much they have actually been there sometimes just listening is the best thing. so to my friends, my family, my teammates, i want to tell you thank you. how can you tell someone that they love you one day and the next fall out of love. how can you look someone in the eyes and give them a hug and not tell them that things aren't right. i wish i knew too. but given time, patience, and an unbreakable spirit, i too will get over this obstacle. i am not a quitter...i might fail, but that doesn't make me a failure, i might get lost, but not permanently. i keep wondering what i'm set out to do in this lifetime....right now i dont know. i am taking it one day at a time. i dance like no one is watching, i sing like no one is listening, but more importantly i love as if it is my last chance to love someone. till next time, keep smiling, keep dancing, and keep loving.